The ultimate to-do list for women after roe

We’re going to save a lot of money on birth control and not have to worry about credit card debt, we call that a win!

I heard the other day that Judge Alito was thinking hard about something: about the rights that women didn’t have when the Constitution was written and became law for all Americans until the end of time, as decided by 55 white men. in 1787. He decided that we would all be better off living in a way “deeply rooted in history.”

I can only assume that he might have been inspired after watching his favorite rom-com, The Handmaid’s Tale. (Because who hasn’t been binge-watching their favorite shows lately!) Regardless, 1787 was a really fun time for women, people of color, and LGBTQ+ people because of the amazing outfits: coiffures, taffeta, and farthingales… Met gala, here we are, come!

Anyway, I digress. The important change proposed by Judge Alito to Roe v. Wade got me thinking about some of the things I do every day that weren’t part of the Constitution, and my God, there are so many. For starters, I realized that our founding fathers didn’t mention how to regulate technology, including cars, phones, vaccines, or the internet, so I wanted to post this checklist quickly, in case we decide it’s no longer allows websites to exist! With the Honorable Judge’s logic in mind, here’s a look at all the things women will need to stop doing in a post-Roe world, and how to make it happen, ASAP, like the #girlboss you are!

Get rid of your credit cards

Until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974, women were not allowed to have their own credit cards. But in 1787, we didn’t have to worry about paying our balances in full each month, or getting a free checked bag. Before 1974, banks could refuse to give a woman credit cards if she was not married and if she had a person with penis husband around, had to cosign, if he decided to let her have credit.

How to do it: Cut your credit cards into thin slices, as if you were julienned carrots for your husband’s dinner. These pieces can be made into the cutest dangle earrings, or used to trace the perfect bat wing eyeliner before a special date night with the hubs! Credit cards? Pssh. More like foreground!

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Stock up on turtlenecks and conservative clothing

Who among us doesn’t love dressing up? What we wear says a lot about us, but one thing never I mean is that we are asking for it. Until 1977, no man was found responsible for sexual harassment. It was not a crime and was not considered discrimination, so women could not take legal action against it. Since we all know that boys will always be boys, it’s up to us to dress in a way that doesn’t give them ideas: Judge Alito’s new ideas are the perfect example of how creative men can be when they put their mind to it. , LOL!

How to do it: Whenever I want to cover up a little more, I like to cover up with inspirational Hobby Lobby signs. When “Live, Laugh, Love” or “But First, Coffee” fully covers my chest and vagina, it really reduces the number of men trying to grope me during my workday. (Bonus tip: “It’s Wine O’Clock” is usually wide enough to protect my ankles from prying eyes.)

Hide your pregnancy from your boss

Until 1978, women could be fired for becoming pregnant or an employer could refuse to hire a woman because of her pregnancy. This is understandable, as pregnant women often have such a radiant glow that it can be distracting to men in the office who just need to be able to lead without interruption.

How to do it: Let’s say his growing belly is actually a MAGA hat bag that he keeps strapped to his person at all times, in case anyone needs one! Or, better yet, stop working. With the median home price at $400,000, the median salary in the US at $52,000, inflation at 8.5%, and college tuition at $35,000 per year, your husband will definitely be able to support his entire family single-handedly.

Save money on birth control

Although birth control was available to some women as early as 1960, it wasn’t available to single women until 1972. Even then, not all pharmacies stocked it because it might “promote prostitution.” It’s strange that the men at the constitutional convention forgot about Ortho Tri-Cyclen, but they were probably too busy protecting their right to enslave other men, women, and children to think about it. In any case, I don’t know about you, but I to love saving money With the money I’ll save every month from not being able to buy birth control, I could get myself a new washboard or butter churn (assuming my husband says he’s okay)!

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How to do it: This one is easy. You simply will not be able to buy contraceptives! But you may want to hold on to your savings, as health insurance companies will likely start charging women up to 50% more on monthly premiums, which they were allowed to do before the Affordable Care Act.

Don’t worry so much about your career, property or money

Essentially, ladies, it’s time to kick back and let the men drive this bus for a while. When the Constitution was written, women couldn’t have a bank account in their name, we couldn’t own property, and we couldn’t vote. A return to the historical roots of our country would mean that we can finally take a weight off our shoulders and let someone else make the decisions. ahh!

How to do it: Remember to pay it in advance. The men are helping us with literally everythingwhich means that we also have to do our part. If Judge Alito’s wish to get back in touch with our country’s “history and tradition” comes true, then keep in mind that until 1993, spousal rape was legal in some states, meaning that every time If your husband wants to be thanked for all his hard work, you won’t have a choice.

But who needs choice, anyway?

Author’s note:

The women are screaming. We know that any elimination of women’s rights is a backlash against the new freedom and financial power of American women, and that there are some men who would like nothing more than to see us live a life of unfulfilled potential and possible abject poverty. . girls being born today can not they have fewer rights than those born half a century ago. We will not be governed by the minority. We will not lose 50 years of progress. We will not stand idly by while the old whites strip us of our autonomy. But nobody is going to give us our rights, we are going to have to fight for them. Join our HerMoney family, where we are fighting for the economic power of women, every day. And if you’re looking for places to donate, ways to get involved, or action steps you can take, here are some of our favorites:

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May donate to abortion funds that help women access vital health care services.

May donate to organizations fighting on the front lines in states hostile to abortion that have already restricted women’s access, or are likely to do so in the future.

May take to the streets in protest.

May support candidates fighting for women’s rightsevery day.

And make sure you’re registered to vote.

We are not going back.

And if you’re looking for more context to help inform your interpretation of Judge Alito’s report, please take a moment to read this article, “The constitutional status of women in 1787”, was written in 1988 by Mary Beth Norton, who is now the Mary Donlon Alger Professor Emeritus of American History at Cornell University.

She writes, in part: “Not only did the Constitution omit any explicit reference to women, but it was also written as if they did not exist as political individuals, because in fact they did not exist in the minds of the Founding Fathers… There was a good historical reason why the present in Philadelphia in 1787 did not perceive women as part of his politics. In his day, as in the preceding centuries, the basic unit of society and the economy was not the individual, as it is today, but the household. Each household had a male head of household, who controlled the household’s property, directed its activities, fulfilled its obligations to the community, and was regarded by law as the ruler of his own “small community.” … In this type of social organization, women were dependents who were denied a voice in managing their own affairs; they were legally subordinate to husbands and fathers and perceived only as part of households. Therefore, it is not surprising that they were ignored by the framers of the Constitution.”